Auditionee Loses Control And Punches Fellow Hopeful In Face. Wants A Redo.

By Moni Jones,  Feburary 25th 2016

FERNGATE, MI – Stakes were high as seventy-three hopefuls gathered anxiously in the lobby of Shift Comedy Club last Saturday morning, awaiting their shot at landing one of only eight spots on this year’s “Rocket Crew” (an elite group of the best improvisers in the world and therefor, if not chosen, losers should throw all hope for any other opportunities in and around the community directly into the dumpster along with their bodies and families).

Among the auditionees was one Miguel Horowitz, a three-year improv student at Shift Comedy’s University Of Comedic Performance And Theater Arts Club For The Gifted Object Worker Of America The Beautiful (or SCUCPTACGOWAB for short). Here he majored in Abstract Form Development and mastered the Organic Tanzinian Finger Flute Edit.

We were able to speak with Horowitz briefly before his audition, as he was the only one warming up outside of the theater. We asked him why he had secluded himself from the rest of the bunch, to which he replied, “I don’t want anyone copying me or learning the secrets that large sums of money spent on a proper improv-ucation have awarded me.” He then pulled out what appeared to be an invisible samurai sword from his back and began whooshing it around in the direction of his “nemeses”, as he referred to them. A precursor, some might say, to a tragic event that was mere moments away from taking place.

Horowitz was invited into the theater as one of six in the first batch of contenders for the coveted prize. He was visibly exuding a very bizarre energy and he began pacing the stage like some sort of nervous improv lion. His prey would soon be a sweet human antelope also known by fellow thespians in her church play guild as Fran Morgan.

The two were asked to perform a short scene together with the suggestion of “cupcake”. Ms. Morgan initiated the scene by flawlessly pantomiming the action of pulling a tray from an oven. “Honey, I’m so glad you’re ho…”, was all she could get out before the bewildered Horowitz smashed the invisible tray from her hands and left-hooked Morgan square in the face.

“It was awesome!”, one of the improvisers who had auditioned with the group was overheard saying to her friends in the lobby after the fiasco. “He literally just lost his mind and decked Fran so hard she fell off the stage and onto the judges table. There were headshots everywhere!”

Horowitz was interviewed after the incident. “I’d like a redo,” he said. “My audition was cut short due to my arrest and I feel Shift Comedy owes me another one. This opportunity would have given me and my family the life we’ve always dreamed about and I simply cannot be faulted for fighting for it.”

Perhaps Miguel Horowitz’s seemingly batshit reaction was where the term “Break a leg” originated. If so, I’d say Fran Morgan just won the good juju lottery and a great chance of joining this year’s “Rocket Crew”. Because if breaking your leg is only good luck, then breaking your face must be the best luck.

This article was first published on Moni’s blog, Nevertakeitseriously


  1. Best post yet Moni!
    We have all seen this character at one time or another. And hope to never see them again!

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